I miss you so much Hunter.

I feel like I am waiting for your death to be over and for you to come back.  I want it to be over, you can come back to us now.  We have learnt our lessons and it's time to come back.

If only death worked that way.

Today I am making a memory album for you.  It's going to be really nice and like everything that is for you I am putting a lot of thought and effort into it.  It's kind of like a scrap book.  But you already know this because you are always watching me.

We (Mummy and Daddy) still feel like everything is wrong, that nothing is going right and that we are such different people now.  It's so hard to get used to.

We are still finding that some friends are true and others aren't.  This is a big thing for me, I am holding onto it maybe because I've been hurt by some peoples lack of caring.  I suppose that stuff doesn't matter, and it may be something else that is bothering me and I just haven't figured out what that is yet.  I find that happens a lot.  

I am looking for a job.  I ideally want something that helps people.  A job where I can share my experiences to help people...I don't think I'm going to find that job for a while.  One day I will but maybe now isn't the right time.

I wonder what you'd look like now.  You'd definitely be chubby.  You were such a hungry wee thing.  Maybe you'd be bald!  Or have the funny 'old man balding' that your Dad and Cooper both had.  No hair on top but lots on the sides and back.

You would probably be rolling or close to it.  I would prop you over a tri-pillow in front of a mirror so you could coo and chatter to yourself in the mirror.  And if you're anything like your brother, I think you are, you'd be kicking your arms and legs to music, getting excited and laughing.  

Cooper is getting so smart.  It's bitter sweet.  I would love to see you at his age in a years time.

Coopers recent tricks are feeding himself with a spoon or stabbing food with a fork.  He points to things now and calls everything a dog.  He hears a dog barking and points in the direction saying 'dog dog' before he can even see it.  He's a smarty pants.  He also rides his little trike around the place saying brmm brmm brmm.  

I hope you are watching him closely.  He's full of mischief.  Enough for both of you.

I had better go now baby.  I need to fold the washing and pick up al the toys.  I've got you with me all the time.  On my mind, in my heart and on my necklace.

I love you millions.  More every day.

xxx Mumma xxx