It's been 72 days since you left us. We think about you everyday, talk about you everyday and wish like hell that we will wake up from this terrible nightmare, everyday.
It's not just a nightmare though. There are so many things that remind me this is real. We visit your tiny grave nearly everyday. I open the curtains in your room each morning. In your room it feels the way I feel - empty, quiet and cold.
We have you everywhere though. In Coopers room, he sleeps with one of your blankets and has one of your teddy's. In our room, lots of places in the lounge, the kitchen, around my neck, on Daddy's arm. It's not enough though.
Yesterday I was sitting on the doorstep watching Cooper go up and down his slide. It was a beautiful sunny and warm day. I felt like I should be holding you, cuddling and feeding you while watching Cooper running and playing. That's how yesterday should have been if things were right.
Things should have been so different for you. I don't believe that you were meant to leave us so soon. It was tragedy and I am so so sorry it happened to you. Took your life away.
I hope you are warm, happy and being fed well. Daddy and I don't want you to be scared, we will be with you again one day. But until then you need to be a big brave boy and you need to look after us, especially Cooper.
Someone said over the weekend that our babies aren't perfect. I think she was wrong. You are perfect. Maybe too perfect to be here. Perfect.
Daddy and I have made a goal. We are going to run a marathon for you. When I'm running I think of you and it keeps me going. I run, I cry.
I long to see you.
If I had one wish, I'd wish for you.
I love you Hunter Gray. Today and always.
Love Mummy.
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