C/of: Heaven

Dear Hunter, C/of: Heaven. Mummy has been having a hard morning. Today I'm seeing some specialists who I hope will offer to look after Mummy and deliver your little brother. I have to go to Auckland Hospital to see them. It's very hard for me to go there. I get very scared. Today I had lots of tears when dropping Cooper off at school, so Daddy took me for a hot chocolate and hugs. I also had a phone call from a lady at Plunket. She was calling to check up on how Cooper is doing and to book his next appointment (the 2 years old one!), but, we ended up talking about you. This lady has also had a little baby go to heaven. She was so nice Hunter, she knew how I was feeling. Even though her baby went to heaven a long time ago she still knew what it is like for a Mummy. She knew that it changes you forever. She knew that it changes the way you see everything. She knew that it doesn't stop or go away. She understood my feelings of replacing you. Even though we can't and would never want to replace you she understood what I meant and how that makes things hard for Mummy. It was a really good day for her to call and understand. Daddy is the only other person who understands me. I miss you Hunter and I want you to be here again. I just want all this pain to end. But the only way it is all going to end is if you come back to Mummy. It's not your fault that you're in heaven now and I wish you all the happiness in the whole world but I just miss you so much. Every day is really hard for Mummy. Letting go of Cooper for school every day makes it harder. Saying goodbye to Daddy and coming to work makes it harder. No one at work likes me. That makes things hard. I feel like it's such a waste coming to work when I just have people being nasty to me. I'm sensitive, I know that. But I get so sick of putting up with people treating me that way. I hate having to justify everything to other girls in the office. I don't even know why I do, what I do is none of their business anyway. Daddy says once we have our mortgage all approved I can give my notice and finish work. I can't wait to get out of this stupid place. Every day is long and I sit at my desk and wish for it to be over. Not what Mummy needs. I'm looking at a photo of you and Cooper at the moment. You two look so alike! Cooper was exactly like you as a tiny baby. You both look like Daddy. I hope your brother Arlo looks like you guys too. Beautiful boys. Lucky Mummy. Love you Hunter. You have a good day, have a good lunch and some nice sleep :-) I miss you baby xx xxx Mummy