How are You?

I get asked how I am a million times every day.  The truth is, I don't know how I feel.  

I am angry and I often feel like I have failed.  I told Hunter on his first night with me that I would always keep him safe.  I didn't do that, I failed.  

Part of my anger is directed at Waitakere Hospital and the care that they didn't give Hunter.  To try and help with this I made a complaint to the Health & Disability Commissioner.  Well, they agree.  An investigation is under way with Waitakere Hospital.  I have mixed emotions about this.  On one hand I feel good, I wasn't just a grieving mother.  But on the other hand it means that in those days Hunter didn't have the best care he could get.

I have been having counselling and trying out spiritual avenues to find some comfort.  I haven't found my 'niche' yet but am enjoying seeing my counsellor.  

My next post will be the start of my letters to Hunter.