Butterflies

Butterflies

Today I can feel myself loosing it.  I've been OK the last couple of days.  I spent an hour or so sitting by your grave the other day.  I cried and cried as I talked to you but it felt good.  I felt close to you.

You have a blue butterfly flying around your spot.  It's solar powered and very cool.

Cooper hasn't been sleeping very well, I think he may be getting my cold.  I'm worrying myself sick.

I hope you weren't in pain.  This is something I've been thinking about today and it makes me so sad.  I am scared for you Hunter. I hope you weren't hurting.  

Today I can feel my big empty space where you used to live. It hurts and I can't stop it.

I don't even know what to say to you, I just want you here.  Why did we have to loose you?  We loved you so much and so many hopes and dreams for our family.  Why couldn't a family who didn't love their baby so much loose theirs?  I don't understand.   I want to go back and change something, be a better person or do something different so that I can have you back.  My whole word is upside down without you.

You will be 8 weeks old tomorrow.  You are starting to hold your head up well, sleeping more at night and focusing those big dark eyes on Mummy and Daddy.  

Sleep well my boy.  I love you xx